HOLDING ON

 



Hebrews 10:23:  Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. (ESV, 2001)

For a while there,  I was losing complete sight of what God wanted me to do in my life. I was moved up to the Assistant Manager of the hotel I was working at.  It doubled my pay, and I was able to keep my same benefit package.  I was completely thrilled.  I also started going back to school.  So, needless to say my cup was over flowing with blessings.  But, I was still felling a sense of loss.  Even though I was still involved with my church.... I wasn't exactly "involved". I never had time to go anymore because I had to work until 8pm or finish my class assignments.  I think I was a complete mess.   I was caught up in the motions of every day routines.  I would get up go to work, work till about 7 or 8 pm, come home and finish up homework and go to sleep.  I didn't even have time to spend time with my children or devote any time to the Lord in prayer or even just meditating in the beauty of the day.  I think it's safe to say that I was becoming what I would call religious. 

I have to say that God never left my side though.  I got to the point where I would just ask him, "God, please just show me what it is that you want me to do.  I am asking you to give me a sign so I know that you have something planned for me".  About a week passed by, and it was the one weekend when I was able to attend evening church service.  God spoke to my heart and he said, "My daughter, it is necessary that I put you through challenges so that you may know my plans for you, be patient and hold on and find your strength me".  I don't think words could even describe what my soul was feeling. He answered everything I needed in that very instant.  All  that I could do was put my complete trust in him at that very moment.  Then came the day of ultimate test.  I was in a conference call with the regional manager.  He needed me to step up the game and work 6 days a week.  That was my end straw and I was getting very frustrated.  I had refused to work 6 days a week till 8 o'clock at night anymore.  The regional manager, didn't even think about it one second and directed me to turn in my resignation. 

I took a leap of faith and I turned in my 2 weeks resignation notice.  I figured, "you know what, I just need to trust that the Lord WILL prevail and WILL NEVER LEAVE ME"!  He will let me know exactly what he wants from me.  I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't a little scared.  But I went to look for some encouraging comfort in the arms of a very trusted friend from church.  She helped me gather my thoughts and we prayed and she reminded me that I AM A WOMAN OF GOD! Women of God put their faith in the Lord and know that Jesus made the perfect sacrifice for us.  At that moment, I said,  "Lord, Jesus Christ you know my heart, and you know exactly what you have planned for me. Be my rock and be my strength, because you are my salvation.  I give all that I am to you and I surrender this burden to you.  I don't ask you to take it from me, but I ask that you help me get through it".  That very same day, I received a phone call from the same regional manager, and he told me that I could keep my job.  He offered me to go back to my guest relations position and still keep my benefits and full time hours and only work day shift.  I was absolutely stunned.  I broke down at the moment and thank the Lord for his everlasting mercy and love.  I am not worthy of his patience and I sin him everyday.  But he always stands by me and strengthens me when I ask it of him.

Just know that while we as human beings are inclined to reject the Lord's love for us, he is a kind, gentle and loving God.  He does become jealous for his children, but loves us more than any other. 

~ Kristi